Top 6 Gift Ideas According to People Who Try to Steal From Our Local Store

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Top 6 Gift Ideas According to People Who Try to Steal From Our Local Store

Being a small, independent business, it feels almost absurd how often we catch people trying to steal from their local store.

Rather than throwing ourselves into the sea of despair, or spending too long pondering why we even bother trying to make a living, we thought the least we could get out these thieving reprobates was some content.

Having the gall to try and take non-essential items from a small business must count as some kind of recommendation, right? So here are six popular gift ideas that people who’ve tried to steal from our store would recommend...probably.

1. Wax melts and scented candles

Popular among thieves with a discerning taste for the artisanal, our scented candles and wax melts are handmade in store. Apparently they’re such a must have that we once found a guy furiously stuffing them into his pockets.

Maybe he’d had something stinky in there and was trying to get rid of the smell? Maybe he was reliving his glory days of nicking pick ‘n’ mix from Woolworths? Or, it’s testimony to just how much he had to get his hands (and pockets) full of our lovingly made product.

2. Harry Potter merch

There seems to be a lot of thieves who wish that they were wizards. Unfortunately for these product pinching muggles, they usually only have one trick up their sleeve – making things disappear- and they’re often not very good at it.

Apparently, sometimes the urge to tell the world that: ‘NO, I’M NOT A HUFFLEPUFF, LOOK I HAVE THE MUG TO PROVE IT!’ is so strong that the regular laws of self respecting wizards need not apply.

On the other hand, maybe they’re just so excited about our collection of Harry Potter gift ideas, that in their haze of potter fan-boying, they forget to walk past the till on their way out.

Either way, we don’t think they’ll get that letter from Hogwarts, just a polite reminder that they’re not welcome back in our shop again.

3. Coasters

Whether our coasters are just that great that people have to slip them into their bag without paying... or there’s an abundance of lowlifes with antique mahogany tables they just can’t take the risk of spilling their Darjeeling on, we’re not quite sure. Alternatively, it could because we have such a fine range of designs?

We doubt that thieves spend much time reading (so doubt they’ll see this), but we’d like any potential crooks out there to know:

We have a very particular set of skills... skills that make the life of people like you a nightmare... skills to do with locating coasters, wherever you may put them. If you try to steal one, we will find you, and we will k... take a picture of you and send it to all the other stores to let them know you do so.

  • Sift through our collection of quirky coasters.

4. Flower pot hangers

Seemingly the light fingered ones amongst us also seem to be a little green fingered too. Many a time has one of our friendly flower pot hangers tried to make its way into the hands of a dirty street rascal who doesn’t like to pay.

While we admire a love of gardening, we can’t quite say the same for these people’s other questionable hobbies.

A little bit of advice to any green fingered thieves out there: Plants take time to grow and require a lot of care (so does running a business as a matter of fact), expedience won’t get you very far in gardening or in life.

5. Mugs

We might have missed the memo but: Whilst having a fun shaped mug is a highly enjoyable first world pleasure, last time we checked it wasn’t a basic human right.

If a thief is particularly parched, there’s a fine array of eateries around our lovely Cornish town that they could visit where water is on tap.

So, to any shoplifters that find themselves thinking ‘my what a mesmerizing selection of mugs they have at Happy Piranha...I would hate to have to pay for one’...just remember that we won’t judge you for having a basic mug, and it’s far better than earning a mug shot at the local station instead.

6. Soft toys

Recently we caught a mother and daughter out who seemed to be taking the term cat burglar quite literally, as the object of their interest this time was a cute kitten soft toy.

The operation was as simple as it was awkward and obvious; teenage daughter pointed at things, mum took them and walked out the store... seems like a strange family bonding exercise to us.

After following them down the street and being told to [words we can’t repeat here that begin with F] quite a lot, they eventually surrendered the poor abducted cat.

Let’s hope their next family outing doesn’t involve throwing a cat amongst the pigeons and instead is a little more legal and productive.

And just in case it wasn’t clear

We don’t and never will condone stealing. We understand that sometimes, things can get tough, but, stealing pop culture merchandise and homeware from a local business won’t make things any better.

If anything it makes things worse. Things aren’t half as enjoyable when you haven’t earnt them, and a high street with empty shops is no fun either.

We know that if you’re reading this you probably aren’t a shoplifter, theif, burglar or naughty-forever-borrower but, if you really are that hard up for a gift, and have a friend that really does deserves one, here’s some inexpensive gift ideas instead of stealing.

If or when you are in the market for a quirky, fun or unusual gift, come take a look!


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